


safe

by Sorunort



Series: POST - SQUIP Comfort Stories [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post canon, Post-Squip Jeremy Heere, THIS CAN BE READ AS PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC IT LITERALLY DOES NOT MATTER, also this isnt proofed bc i dont care and i just wanted it done, michael doesnt hate jeremy PLEASE stop writing that its 2019, post squip trauma, theyre just two lads who need each other for support and i adore them, this is a spitefic directed at everyone who thinks michael would be mean to jeremy post canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 03:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21292571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorunort/pseuds/Sorunort
Summary: Add that to the ever growing list: Jeremy likes dumb meaningful gestures. SQUIP does not.*jeremy has a squip related breakdown and michael helps him through it
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Series: POST - SQUIP Comfort Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542328
Comments: 8
Kudos: 113





	safe

**Author's Note:**

> hey @ everyone who thinks michael would hate jeremy and be angry at him post canon  
fuck you

It should have been a normal night. 

A normal night between them meant video games, snacks, maybe a hit here and there, and generally messing around. They’d both occupy the beanbag chairs and focus on the giant TV in Michael’s basement. Laugh when one led the other to their demise in _ Portal 2 _ ’s co-op and swear vengeance as GLaDOS chides them. Turn on _ Ghostbusters _ and recite the entire script word for word (or in Jeremy’s case, occasionally stumble over the words). The Cheetos sitting between them in a big plastic bowl would gradually disappear as the evening trailed on.

It _ should _ have been a normal night but it _ wasn’t _.

The new normal was all of that but with half the chance of Jeremy suffering a surprise SQUIP related complication.

In all honesty Michael didn’t know what happened or what triggered it. He liked to think he had gotten very good at knowing what to avoid around Jeremy. No more Keanu Reeves (truly a tragedy, Cyberpunk2077 looked _ so cool _ if it weren’t a melting pot of Jeremy trauma). Keep Mountain Dew out of his hands unless it’s colored red. If they were at the checkout line at Target and Jeremy pointed to the tic-tacs above the conveyor belt and laughed Michael would laugh along with him. 

But most importantly Jeremy needed to _ see _ Michael. That was something he was more than happy to help with. And also how Jeremy ended up sprawled out over him dry heaving into his shirt.

A normal Tuesday night.

The beanbag wasn’t really made for two people. With the way Jeremy was positioned he was more off than on and Michael really would have preferred moving so Jeremy could sit instead. It was probably uncomfortable with his lanky legs stretched across the carpet like that. Jeremy didn’t seem to mind though given how he clutched Michael’s Pink Floyd Eeveelution shirt for dear life and stained the rainbow Pokemon with tears. They had long since failed a level in _ Crash Bandicoot _ and the background music paired with Jeremy’s whimpers created _ such _ tonal dissonance. 

Michael liked to think he knew how to avoid these situations. But trying to help depended on what caused it. Usually music helped but _ Crash _ clearly wasn’t doing anyone any favors and Michael couldn’t get up to turn on the stereo with Jeremy literally weighing him down. Not knowing the cause only made Michael feel helpless against the computer infesting his best friend’s thoughts. All Michael could think to do was hold him and gently massage circles into his back. For whatever reason Jeremy usually didn’t like anyone touching his back so he was either too out of it to notice or this actually worked.

He hated not knowing.

Hands that were so tightly wound into Michael’s shirt released the fabric. Michael paused rubbing and watched Jeremy sympathetically. His heart sank as he watched his friend grasp his ears and tangle into his hair as he shook his head hopelessly. Michael wanted nothing more than to gently guide those hands away but he thought better of it. He learned _ very _ fast how, especially in this state, Jeremy _ did not _ want _ anyone _ moving his body and doing so would only worsen whatever was going on inside his head.

“...op…”

Jeremy’s voice was so weak Michael could barely hear him over the game.

“...stop it, please…”

Jeremy choked back a sob and his entire body shivered.

He opened his eyes and stared right through Michael. Glassy, red, and full of tears.

Michael knew it was important for Jeremy to _ see _ him.

His expression melted into another cry as Jeremy knocked his head into Michael’s collarbone. “I don’t- I don’t wanna lo-lose you again…” He whimpered so low Michael almost missed it. “I can’t… I can’t do that again.”

Michael gently shushed him and brushed some of his hair back. “I’m not going anywhere, Jeremy,” he reassured him. 

“But _ why? _ ” Jeremy suddenly spat. “What I did to-to you was so _ fucked up _ !” The shivering turned to all out trembling and the hands around his ears and hair tightened. “Nothing I-I-I do can ever- I can’t- I won’t--” He sputtered, the thoughts and voices in his head likely going haywire. “There’s _ nothing _ I could--”

“Jeremy, _ Jeremy _!” Michael interrupted. He didn’t know how much more he could take if he had to listen to his best friend sound so broken and defeated. “No, hey, listen to me,” He softened, drawing his hands back. “Jeremy, come here.”

Wrong choice of words. Jeremy almost unfurled himself and picked up his head. But as soon as he did and locked eyes with Michael something flickered in his gaze. He flinched and retreated back into his shell.

_ Fucking shit. _ He didn’t know what to do avoid as well as he thought he did. Add that to the ever growing list: avoid phrasing things like an order. Jeremy _ will _ follow through.

Michael inhaled slowly and held his breath for a moment to give Jeremy a minute to process. “Do you want to come closer?” He tried.

Jeremy hesitated for what felt like a long time. First he managed to take his hands away from his ears, pulling back a few strands of hair with them. That alone was a time consuming struggle. Eventually he straightened up and allowed Michael to gently take his trembling hands and rub his thumbs over his knuckles.

Hard to believe these were the same hands that gave him a black eye.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Michael reaffirmed. “I’m here for you. Whatever’s going on, I’m all in.” He swallowed hard. “I know I… wasn’t really there for you before. So, uh,” He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I think I should be the one making things up to you, dude.”

If only’s and what if’s had plagued him many times since and after Jeremy got the SQUIP. If only he hadn’t been so dismissive Jeremy’s troubles back then. What if he hadn’t told him to ignore everything in favor of a possible good outcome two years from then? If only he was a better friend and realized Jeremy was hurting. What if he stopped him from going to the Payless? Would that make him a worse friend for denying Jeremy a chance to _ not _ be a loser? That wouldn’t be fair, to keep Jeremy from seizing a chance at something he clearly wanted. Jeremy was never content to be a loser, so who was Michael to make him stay one?

It’s no wonder Jeremy blocked him out.

Michael bit his lip and tried to banish those thoughts. This wasn’t the time for that. Jeremy needed him. He wasn’t going to mess up this time. 

To his surprise Jeremy leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. Michael’s sheepish smile relaxed and he closed his eyes over. “I’ve got your back,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

Jeremy inhaled sharply and nodded slowly. He sniffled once but didn’t say anything beyond that. Michael took the opportunity to let go of his hands in favor of draping his arms over Jeremy’s shoulders and lightly placed his hands over the base of his skull. As expected he felt Jeremy stiffen but fortunately it didn’t take him as long to relax. 

A small oblong bump with rounded edges sat at the base of his skull.

“You’re safe, Jere. I won’t let it hurt you.”

Maybe if he kept his hands over it he could ward the SQUIP off. _ Power of friendship _ or something cheesy like that.

Miraculously enough the cheesy gesture might’ve worked. Jeremy cracked a smile and breathed out a weak laugh. “It’s-- it’s getting- It’s getting q-quieter now.”

“See that?” Michael moved his head to bump their noses together. Jeremy squeaked but didn’t recoil. “Power of friendship right there.”

“So the real key t-to deactivating a SQUIP is just f-friendship?” Jeremy sounded tired and his voice was probably raw from crying but Michael was just glad he calmed down enough to return the sarcasm.

“You know it, man.” Michael kept one hand on the back of Jeremy’s neck while the other smoothed some hair out of his eyes. 

Jeremy hummed to himself and allowed himself to collapse into the crook of Michael’s neck. The beanbag really wasn’t meant for two people but if they both laid on their side they could maybe make it work. Jeremy continued to clutch Michael’s shirt but with less intensity and more for reassurance. Michael managed to snag the remote and threw on a movie, some kind of shitty Hallmark holiday film they could laugh at, and kept an arm around Jeremy’s shoulder all the while.

Add that to the ever growing list: Jeremy likes dumb meaningful gestures. SQUIP does not.


End file.
